How to Deal with Loneliness

Recently, the theme of loneliness appeared repeatedly in my life. It came as a question—first from one person, then echoed by four others in close succession:
“How do I deal with loneliness?”

Each time, the question felt sincere and raw. It touched me. In some cases, it was heartbreaking to witness the struggle.

How do I deal with Loneliness

Confronted with these stories, I also realised something: I don’t really know this theme personally.
I have been blessed with a life in connection which is mirrored in my living in Asharum Amonines. A sense of being accompanied—by something greater—has always been present.

But then, I asked myself:
Why is this question crossing my path now?
What can I offer when I haven’t lived that same pain?

Looking more closely, there have been moments in my life when I experienced exclusion—both as a child and again as an adult. The latter brought with it an incredibly intense pain, maybe the deepest I’ve ever felt.
And yet, curiously, I wouldn’t describe it as loneliness. Because it was in that pain that something beautiful happened:
I reached out, inwardly. And the help came.

It was painful—and profoundly blessed.
One of the most transformative experiences of my life, connecting me more deeply to what I can only call my God—a presence that has always accompanied me.

Listening to Someone Who's Been There: Loneliness

Still, I felt the need to understand loneliness more intimately. So I asked someone who had lived with it for quite some time:
What helped you through that time?

Her first answer was simple, but difficult and only possible when there is true acceptance:

“Wait patiently. Sit it out.”

Then she added something truly beautiful:

“I learned that giving opens something. If you feel lonely, don’t wait to receive—start giving, no matter how small.
A smile to a stranger is already something.
And if even that feels impossible, then begin by wanting to smile—life will meet you there.
If you feel like you have nothing to give, then begin by wanting to give. Opportunities will come.”

Such a powerful shift.
Giving—even a little—creates movement. And movement can invite connection.

From Loneliness to a Sense of Connection

Her words made me reflect again:
Why have I rarely felt lonely, even when I was alone much?

I think the answer lies in what I can only describe as a sense of connection.
Since early childhood, I’ve had a deep inner knowing—a God-sense, as I call it. A feeling that I was never really alone.

Even as a child, playing by myself in the woods or near the river, I wasn’t lonely. I was in good company—with myself, with the world around me, and with something unseen but always present.

It reminds me of something Yoginâm once shared:

“Loneliness cannot exist when you realise that you share in a wider whole.”

And when I faced deep emotional crisis in life, I turned to that presence once again. I cried out—not just with my mind, but with my whole being. And I was answered, in a way beyond words.

Not Just in the Mind

This connection is not an intellectual belief. It’s a lived, full-bodied experience—a longing and a response.
Many people have learned to pray to something external, an idea of a God far away.
I once did too.

But through Yoginâm’s words—and more powerfully, through his silence and presence—I discovered something deeper:
God is not out there. God, or however you want to name it, is within.
The source of all that is.
Beyond naming. Beyond believing.
A path of exploration, not of doctrine.

And this path—this exploration—can gently lead you into relationship with your own deepest essence.

Yoginâm’s Teachings

Reading Yoginâm’s books, I find language that doesn’t always follow convention. He sometimes invents new words or borrows from forgotten traditions—not to confuse, but to break open old thinking, to help us go beyond habitual understanding.

Words like God, ego, karma—they carry assumptions that limit us.
Yoginâm offers another view. He speaks of us for example not as an “I living in a world,” but as 'I-World'—in which both 'I' and 'World' are completely interwoven with each other.

When we forget this, we can fall into the illusion of separation.
That’s when loneliness can arise.

In The Book of Nâm (p.144), Yoginâm describes this as:

The Double Illusion of Separation:
The first illusion is the belief that ‘I’ and ‘World’ are separate.
The second is the belief that you - being Experience as 'I-World' - is separate from Awareness, which is your true Essence.

It is a profound teaching—more something you must allow to dawn upon than to grasp immediately.

Living Connected: A Metaphor That Resonates

To support this dawning upon, I want to share a powerful metaphor from (among others) Fragments of Voice, a small poetic book that touched me deeply:

"In living you become from the ocean a drop

In living too you become from a drop an ocean

Ocean and drop

Drop and ocean

The sameness of water

The saint realises water

The wise one realises the ocean

The ignorant one realises

The drop"

Join Us in Exploration

If this reflection speaks to you, and you would like to explore more deeply in a safe and guided setting, I warmly invite you to the 5-day Intensive “Meaningful Living”, starting this sprim April 8 and in summer on August 12.

It’s a beautiful and powerful opportunity to contemplate connection, attunement and the deeper meaning of being alive.

Whatever path you walk—whether alone or accompanied—may you remember that you are never truly separate.

You always share in a wider whole.

With warmth,
Irma